Today was one of those days. My kids were great, my lessons went well, overall it was a bright Monday. However, something was missing.
The twins. These beautiful, identical, nine year old, girls have been moved around from school to school, and at nine years old have little to no language development in either english or spanish. They have been a part of my community of learners since around December. All throughout the day special ed teachers and ELL teachers are in and out working with these girls to give them back all of the education they have missed by being bounced around from place to place. Over the past month of February we were all starting to witness results. The girls were volunteering answers in class, socializing with other students, trying to work independently, and overall their individuality was shining through. Sometimes if I'm lucky, I will even get a hug or a poke to my stomach. It is those moments that I feel successful as a teacher.
Last Wednesday I pulled the girls aside to do some one on one work with them. We were reading about snow and I was loving watching their little brains search for answers. Towards the end of our one on one lesson, one of them asked me if we had school on Thursday. Call it intuition, but it was at that moment that I had this gut feeling that I wasn't ever going to see my twins again. Sure enough, Thursday rolled around and they didn't show. Friday came and went, and still no show. I thought about them all weekend, just hoping they had a stomach bug or were on an extended vacation. Today, still no sign. We sent an attendance officer out, and the house was empty. Their parents had snatched them and their older sister and fled yet again. These are the moments where I feel helpless.
I feel many emotions, sadness, anger, judgment. I am angry at their mother for doing this to them, and depriving them of their right to be educated. You see this cycle, this cycle where you know that they will probably be the same type of parent that is being modeled for them now. They won't have an adequate education so they won't be able to support their family, so they too will flee with their children from place to place in search for something. Being from a white, middle class, family it is so hard to grasp the selfishness of their parents, even though I have no idea how hard it must be.
I wonder if this will ever get any easier, will I ever feel hard when I know a child is being mistreated or being deprived of their right to at least learn one language? I feel so helpless. All I know to do is pray and hope that in some miraculous way God will intervene in a great way. That he will give them another teacher who will love them like I did and that they will open up in enough time to actually begin to learn.
The emotional pressure today wasn't over. Around lunch time I got an email from the secretary that one of my students dads was trying to contact me. This immediately raised a red flag because I knew this father was no longer in this child's life. This student of mine I am particularly fond of. We have had many deep conversations about her home life, and this man who is her biological father has been no father at all, the most fathering he ever did was donating his sperm. How is it possible that an 8 year old child has to endure so much pain, and I lived my life with very little? How can a man be so selfish to contact his daughter when he has hurt her enough? I am so afraid that he is going to do more than just call, I fear that he may try and actually see her. I feel this protective nature, that I have never really felt before.
There are times throughout my day where I feel as though this world is so cruel and I can't begin to understand it. Many of my kids have experienced more disappointment, more pain, more instability, more hatred in their 7-8 years of life than I ever have. It is these moments that I want to love them harder and deeper in this short time than is even possible. I merely pray for the faith for HIM to replace my feelings of weakness with overflowing love.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Snow Day
Today at Nolanville Elementary School we got at least five inches of snow. In my 23 years of life I have never seen snow like this in Texas and it was so fun to share with my kids. I am lucky to have four huge windows in my classroom and seeing the snow fall and build all morning was absolutely breathtaking.
It was also an early release day so we got nothing done. There are so many days like that, days where you get nothing done. I have to wonder what that means, getting nothing done. I guess what I mean by that is there were no grades taken and no serious academic activity happening, but that is not all there is to learning. Looking at this angle then I guess we got many things done.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Venice Italy
I thought every day I could write a blog about an individual student in my class. I thought this would be a way to clearly remember the unique lives in that room. I will not use their real name as not to breech any laws.
Venice is truly unique. First off, she has hair that passes her waist, a precious, dimply smile and the most intuitive hugs. She seems so comfortable and confident at school. She works hard and diligent. She is very social as well. Overall she is rather balanced. She truly strives to make good choices and I see that so naturally in her. I hope that life and disappointments don't suck that out of her.
There is one thing that really stands out among the other students about Venice, her hugs. All of my kids hug me and they are often reaffirming and they feel good, but there is something so pure about her hugs. It always seems that at the right moment, she so quietly will get out of her seat, walk over to me, wrap her arms around me so gently, nuzzle her head on my waist, and then quietly walk away. Most children this age don't have the ability to do that without disrupting the entire lesson or moment, but she can. Her timing is always just right, and it seems as though it is also very intuitive. When I feel these little arms wrap around my waist I always feel like she is saying, "You can do it Miss Davis! I know today seems particularly stressful, and I know we can be frustrating, but we all love you. We are trying. We appreciate you." It is often my "Godsend."
Venice is truly unique. First off, she has hair that passes her waist, a precious, dimply smile and the most intuitive hugs. She seems so comfortable and confident at school. She works hard and diligent. She is very social as well. Overall she is rather balanced. She truly strives to make good choices and I see that so naturally in her. I hope that life and disappointments don't suck that out of her.
There is one thing that really stands out among the other students about Venice, her hugs. All of my kids hug me and they are often reaffirming and they feel good, but there is something so pure about her hugs. It always seems that at the right moment, she so quietly will get out of her seat, walk over to me, wrap her arms around me so gently, nuzzle her head on my waist, and then quietly walk away. Most children this age don't have the ability to do that without disrupting the entire lesson or moment, but she can. Her timing is always just right, and it seems as though it is also very intuitive. When I feel these little arms wrap around my waist I always feel like she is saying, "You can do it Miss Davis! I know today seems particularly stressful, and I know we can be frustrating, but we all love you. We are trying. We appreciate you." It is often my "Godsend."
66 days to go...
Originally, I had planned to blog often, and that didn't happen. This year has flown by as so much of life does. Part of me feels regret for not having documented all of the ups and downs and lessons learned, but maybe I will look back and appreciate only the memories that I can recall. It definitely made me respect those who can document their life daily.
Well, I am more than half way done with my year; 110 days have swiftly passed. I have developed so many wonderful relationships it is hard to even express the beauty of that. I have learned so many lessons about others and myself, I feel truly blessed. I think that one of the main things I have learned this year is that I am a relational person. I look forward to my job every day because I get to influence others. My attitude, appearance, words, body language, emotions, all truly effect the lives of others. Depending on my mood I can greatly effect the lives of 19 children. It's a daily choice to live a higher purpose. I love being held to that accountability, it gives a whole new perspective to what I call a "job."
I feel cheesy saying this, but when I am in my classroom from the hours of 7:25-3:25 my day rarely feels like a "job." It feels so much more like a responsibility. A responsibility to love these kids for those 8 hours. It's hard, but rewarding. I never thought I would love anything more. Sometimes it's hard to decide if the paper work, the grading, the planning, the meetings, and phone calls make it worth it. The pressure to show results is so great, that is often overwhelming so you have to document, document, document and it is an exhausting task. I wish I could think of those tedious tasks as a loving gesture to each child, but that part feels like a "job."
Well, I am more than half way done with my year; 110 days have swiftly passed. I have developed so many wonderful relationships it is hard to even express the beauty of that. I have learned so many lessons about others and myself, I feel truly blessed. I think that one of the main things I have learned this year is that I am a relational person. I look forward to my job every day because I get to influence others. My attitude, appearance, words, body language, emotions, all truly effect the lives of others. Depending on my mood I can greatly effect the lives of 19 children. It's a daily choice to live a higher purpose. I love being held to that accountability, it gives a whole new perspective to what I call a "job."
I feel cheesy saying this, but when I am in my classroom from the hours of 7:25-3:25 my day rarely feels like a "job." It feels so much more like a responsibility. A responsibility to love these kids for those 8 hours. It's hard, but rewarding. I never thought I would love anything more. Sometimes it's hard to decide if the paper work, the grading, the planning, the meetings, and phone calls make it worth it. The pressure to show results is so great, that is often overwhelming so you have to document, document, document and it is an exhausting task. I wish I could think of those tedious tasks as a loving gesture to each child, but that part feels like a "job."
Monday, October 5, 2009
The 7th week already?
Dear Readers (well the few of you that exist anyways),
I apologize for not having kept you all updated, these last seven weeks have been a whirlwind. I love teaching, and it has been an amazing experience thus far. God has truly blessed me with 15 of the most amazing kids in the world. We started at 18 and sadly we have lost a few students to moves, grade changes, the tag program, and divorce. The 15 that remain are truly amazing children. At 4 am when I wake in the morning to groggily greet the new day, I find myself smile at the thought of seeing my kids that day. Each child is so unique and special, I feel blessed to be a part of their world.
On a second note, you are about to see a whole bunch of random posts, that are not all that random. I have decided to use my blog to also count as an assignment for my technology class...did I mention this is due tomorrow? I will write more fluff later. Thanks for being patient.
Yours Truly,
Miss Davis
I apologize for not having kept you all updated, these last seven weeks have been a whirlwind. I love teaching, and it has been an amazing experience thus far. God has truly blessed me with 15 of the most amazing kids in the world. We started at 18 and sadly we have lost a few students to moves, grade changes, the tag program, and divorce. The 15 that remain are truly amazing children. At 4 am when I wake in the morning to groggily greet the new day, I find myself smile at the thought of seeing my kids that day. Each child is so unique and special, I feel blessed to be a part of their world.
On a second note, you are about to see a whole bunch of random posts, that are not all that random. I have decided to use my blog to also count as an assignment for my technology class...did I mention this is due tomorrow? I will write more fluff later. Thanks for being patient.
Yours Truly,
Miss Davis
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The Night Before...
It was the night before the first day of the school year and all through the house every creature was stirring....ok I tried...
Anyways, It's 9:04 and my alarm is set for 4 am. It is the night before my big first day. My emotions are mixed. I have spent most of the day pretty anxious, as I don't know what to expect, but I don't feel like I could be any more prepared than I am. My goal is to enjoy tomorrow and just love on my kids. I pray that I have the right amount of authority and honesty, and that I will spend more time getting to know each of my kids than I will spend worrying about doing the next thing. I pray that I won't feel the need to compare myself to other teachers, and that I will do what I know is right in my heart. I pray for a peaceful drive and energy that makes my precious students feel welcome and loved. I pray that I will be able to act silly and fun so that I can reach each child on the appropriate level.
I am exhausted. I pray for a good nights rest, one filled with no anxious dreams. I pray to hear my alarm so that I wake up refreshed and ready to start an amazing year. I am so glad that God is on my team.
I will do my best to write a beautifully detailed account of tomorrow, but as of now I am exhausted and my amazing mentor keeps texting me telling me to go to bed.
Anyways, It's 9:04 and my alarm is set for 4 am. It is the night before my big first day. My emotions are mixed. I have spent most of the day pretty anxious, as I don't know what to expect, but I don't feel like I could be any more prepared than I am. My goal is to enjoy tomorrow and just love on my kids. I pray that I have the right amount of authority and honesty, and that I will spend more time getting to know each of my kids than I will spend worrying about doing the next thing. I pray that I won't feel the need to compare myself to other teachers, and that I will do what I know is right in my heart. I pray for a peaceful drive and energy that makes my precious students feel welcome and loved. I pray that I will be able to act silly and fun so that I can reach each child on the appropriate level.
I am exhausted. I pray for a good nights rest, one filled with no anxious dreams. I pray to hear my alarm so that I wake up refreshed and ready to start an amazing year. I am so glad that God is on my team.
I will do my best to write a beautifully detailed account of tomorrow, but as of now I am exhausted and my amazing mentor keeps texting me telling me to go to bed.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A bit overwhelmed...
Thursday (Parent's night) is approaching at a much faster rate than I had anticipated. Today was a long day, and to be honest I don't even feel like I got all that much done, even though I did. There is just so much to always do. The clock is fast approaching 10:00 PM and I must go to bed so that I can be fresh tomorrow. I have a room to finish, a welcome letter to prepare, goody bags to make, to do lists for both parents and students, and so much more. I am feeling overwhelmed, and it is a different overwhelmed than I am used to. Amidst the chaos, I feel a sense of peace that everything is going to work out...I pray for clarity when I wake and a peaceful, cheery, I can do it attitude. I also ask God to give peace to Ashley and April as they are on the same journey I am on.
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